The power of friendship!

This week has gone by quite quickly which is something as the previous fortnight with the shock of bad news seemed unending.

It is so heartening to be having such positive and loving support from family and friends at such a difficult time. My family and most of my closest friends live quite a distance away but email and the phone are the next best thing. It's when the chips are down that you realise how blessed you are with friends who truly care and it's interesting how people cope so differently in light of your bad news. Odd friends you've known for years seem to fade into the distance and then others you hardly know turn out to be amazingly supportive. A parent of a new pupil I've only given 5 lessons to so far, and never actually met the mother as I teach him at school, sent me a lovely card and note today and said I was welcome to met up for coffee with her which was extremely kind.
Another new friend came into my life this week through playing badminton and has offered strong support and lent me books on improving diet and lifestyle and just her sheer desire to try and help and support me and my husband through this gives me so much strength. I don't want to be a burden or to "dump" all my worries on people but it's nice to know that there are a few special people including my dear sister who I can turn to when I need to.

I feel in a positive place right now. I agree with previous comments that it is never easy to know what to say when someone is in a very difficult situation you can't do anything about but from a personal standpoint some words are better than saying nothing and staying away.
There are no "right" words but I think if someone you've known really well seems to avoid you you can't help thinking"well if they've got no hope for me maybe there isn't any". Someone supporting you and just being normal around you gives you the hope you so badly need.
I would actually rather someone puts their foot in it like my nextdoor neighbour or my dear former elderly piano teacher who made some "joke" telling me to keep smoking the cigarettes on my telling her I had secondary lung cancer!! I don't smoke by the way at all!!!I know her well and she often says slightly misjudged comments but I know it's just because she doesn't know what to say really!

There is also such a lot of support online now. Breast Cancer Care are absolutely fantastic and are constantly improving and expanding their services. In 2003 following my chemotherapy for my first diagnosis I joined an 8 week telephone support group run and funded by them for younger women with breast cancer which was invaluable but there weren't any groups for people with secondaries at the time. There are now and I'm about to take part in a 4 week course soon which will hopefully be helpful and help me to not feel alone. I'm also hoping to go to two get-togethers soon with cyber friends I've met also living with secondary breast cancer.

My best friend from college days, J is always there for me. We've known each other 19 years now since we met on that first day at college all those years ago! I can remember our first conversation which was about medieval music of all things! We've been through a lot together over the years and have both been there for each other. We've had our sticky moments as all good friends probably do especially being young students at the time straight out of school but I can look back on lots of great and funny moments we've shared. I remember the night I came in to our shared student house very disgruntled as my boyfriend had dumped me when I was on the verge of dumping him myself and felt humiliated that he'd got there first! I found J in the house and poured my heart out to her and she confessed to me that the date she'd supposed to have been on earlier that week and which she'd told us all had gone well had not happened at all as she'd been stood up but I was not to tell our other housemates as she was too embarrassed! We had a good laugh at our misfortunes and both felt a lot better!
J's got a 9 year old daughter now and yet whenever we talk it's just like we were back at college again and had no real worries or responsibilities. I love that we can go weeks or even months without talking on the phone or seeing each other but we always manage to talk for hours and there's never enough time and I always know that she's there for me and I hope she knows I'm there for her too.

My dog B is very much my best friend too. He is always pleased to see me no matter what and seems so intuitive to my moods cuddling up to me when I'm sad. He instinctively knows when me and my husband are having serious or slightly heated discussions and makes a retreat to his basket! I am sure the dog has sensed something is afoot at the moment. One of the first things I though when I got this recent diagnosis was "Oh Gosh the dog's going to outlive me" but I'm going to try hard to not think like that. The dog is such a comfort and he never complains or is a bother to us. I never had a dog before and we got him 3 days after my last chemo nearly 5 years ago and so he's very special to me as he helped me through the difficult transition back to "normal life" and I've spent a lot of time with him as I wasn't working at all at the time and only work part-time now. The first week we had him I though "what have we done?" as he tried to run rings round me during the day when S my husband was at work and then would obediently sleep at S's feet prompting my husband to be perplexed as why I would often be in tears that first week when he came home from work as the puppy just didn't stop getting into mischief all day long!! He calmed down a lot after the first few weeks and is very good nowadays. He's taken recently to coming upstairs when we're asleep and landing on our bed which he knows he's not supposed to do but most times now I don't hear a thing until I try and turn over as he invariably sleeps on my side of the bed for some reason!!
I know he'll be a great help to me through this journey.