Had a good day on Saturday. My good friend J came from Wiltshire for the day with her 9 year old daughter L whom I hadn't seen since she was about 7 (L not J!).
L played her cello very nicely to me while I accompanied her on the piano, although I was alarmed to find that J has changed from very laid-back student person at music college who was an infrequent practiser to a semi"pushy" mum goading her child forward so loudly I found it hard to hear the beat!! J's even hired a cello so that she can learn alongside L! I think she'll have a job keeping up! Only kidding J, but it is funny how people can change without realising!
After a pleasant lunch at a local pub we went into the health club in Cardiff where me and my husband S are members. We had a lovely relaxing time playing badminton and L kept herself amused by trying a bit of badminton and then concocting a very good way of keeping score when she'd run out of the five fingers she was holding up for each of us! She was an excellent referee!! We went for a lovely swim and L informed me quite loudly that she was a much better swimmer than her mother and proceeded to swim up and down like a dolphin which was good as I'd feared she'd want to be in the busy part of the pool with all the other children. We finished off our visit with some ice-cream and then proceeded back home worried about the quick flurry of snow which actually melted as soon as it hit the ground. While the rest of the UK seemed to be under snow and bad weather for the rest of the Easter weekend we had blue skies and fairly mild temperatures in South Wales and no rain!!Makes a change!!
It'd been really nice to almost completely forget about our situation with my health and just switch off from it even for a few hours.
I came down to earth with a bump in the evening though as the fears and realisation that life wasn't looking quite so rosy came back to me! I guess it comes in waves and I can't be positive and almost in denial all of the time but it is nice to "escape" the dread for a while!
Easter Sunday was my beloved S's 34th birthday. We had a quiet, relaxing day at home with a very nice (even though I say so myself!)roast beef meal although the yorkshires failed to rise but the dog didn't seem to mind and scoffed the lot!
I was mostly feeling calm but couldn't help wondering how many more birthdays we would be celebrating together - thoughts I wish I wasn't having to face at 38! I feel quite optimistic about reaching my 40th but his seems a little further from reach! A lot of people dread creeping age I know but I have a different perspective on it now!!
The next couple of days found us both increasingly tense and anxious as "chemo day" was looming on the Wednesday again!
We enjoyed spending some time in the garden and bought some nice bedding plants to brighten it up.
We had a very nice meal with friends on Tuesday night but we both found it very hard to relax and let go of the dread of the next day and as I don't know the couple very well I found it quite hard to act like all was fine. They probably though it best to avoid the difficult subject of my health or what was happening in my life but then it's hard to feel a part of what's going on!
Also we took our dog,with their encouragement to meet their new 3 yr old rescue golden retriever who was gorgeous but when our back was turned had a big altercation with our dog who was mixing him up with a bitch as the retriever has just been "done" and so that was quite stressful! I noticed a nasty gash on our dog's ear yesterday that I'd first mistaken for a tick but it's definitely a war wound!! That'll hopefully teach him not to get "fruity" with other dogs or bitches !!!
Anyway chemo day came and went yesterday. As things had been quite stressful at home with S being on holiday from work I felt quite panicked about the treatment at first and really felt like ripping out the drip from my arm and the freezing cold cap from my head but I managed to restrain myself and tried hard to distract myself from this and then the time passed much quicker! I managed to solve my previous problem of becoming extremely cold with having to have 4 different cold caps on my head for a total of 2 hours each of which had come straight from the freezer!! I wore lots of layers, a fleecey jacket,blanket and hot water bottle and the fire was on full so I cracked it!
Anyway I feel a lot better today for the fact it's over till next Wednesday!!! Only 5 more to get through before I have 2 weeks off treatment and go to France so I have to focus on that!
Neither of us slept very well last night - I think the steroids keep me restless once the pre-med has worn off as I had a great sleep in the afternoon but was awake a lot of the night.
It's amazing how much brighter I feel though just having that day out of the way! I though depression was creeping in but it's being kept at bay at the mo thank goodness and I feel more like my positive self and am in planning mode again!
Would love to go to Australia and New Zealand as it's been on the back-burner for a while but am aiming to plan for going at Christmas even though it seems impossible for many reasons at the moment. I do think forward thinking and planning to a certain extent can keep you going for a while even if plans don't always turn out as you'd hoped!
Oh well - another week coped with!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
Well done - it must be horrible having the thought of your treatment hanging over your head every week, but it sounds as though you're coping just fine. Great to catch up on the phone this morning - you sounded a lot more positive, even with the impending visit of You Know Who! Be firm - I think three nights is enough for any visitor, let alone such an "easy" one.
xx
Eeeek I almost missed this - but I do pop in now and again to see how you are doing.
A friend of mine went through chemo and had to wear the cold caps . . .made me shiver just thinking about it - two hours of cold caps no wonder you get cold - don't they make your head ache. Would they allow you to take in a hot water bottle to cuddle, or would that warm you up to much and defeat the object of the cold cap.
Odd isn't it - there you are going through chemo and worrying about whether you will see your 40th Xmas and I am worrying about you having to wear a cold cap.
You can't be 'up' and positive all the time that wouldn't be real . . .I think under the circumstances you are allowed to get down and angry and thoroughly pissed off when you feel the need as long as you can hang on to being positive and not letting the negatives take over.
Good luck with your visitor - who ever they are!
Glad you have found our I have blogged announcement page . . . it all helps with the communication process . . . thank you.
Gorgeous sunny day - hope you have the same and that your spirits are up.
Another week conquered, keep strong and keep those blogs coming, writing is a great form of therapy.
Stuck here lost for words again. More positive thoughts from west Wales. Keep planning.
Best wishes for your treatment. I remember I planted a load of bulbs in the garden and was determined to make sure I saw them come up the following year. That was 20 years ago now,
love LWB
I've only just found you, Hello, i'll be back to see how you are doing.. and on your 40th is there a party?? xx
I'm so glad you've announced your blog and that I've found you. I'll be back again to count down the chemo sessions with you. I loved to hear about your 'layered look' to combat the cold cap and the shivers - writing and sharing can be good for the soul!
Great that you've been able to put the treatment to one side, even if for a bit....mind you, it all sounds wildly energetic to me! My son is a WAY better swimmer than me ('but WHY don't you put your head under water, Mummy? Are you scared of the water?' Er, yup, got it in one, kiddo).
No, don't know how I'd cope with the ice-cold cap either...making me shiver just thinking about it.
Jxxxx
Continued good wishes from rain-torn Gloucestershire, BW. I think counting through the chemo sessions sounds utterly inevitable, and very wise to be ekeing out treats / plans in between. all the best.
Post a Comment